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User blog:The Sam Puckett/iCarly Abridged Episode 3!!!!!
Disclaimer: Raise your hands if you think I have the millions of dollars to own iCarly, despite me writing fanfiction. Noone? Thought so. :) iCarly The Abridged Series Episode Three: iAm The Gibby! SCENE: SAM IS EATING BREAKFAST WHEN CARLY WALKS IN ON HER CARLY: Sam, what’re you doing? SAM: (THINKING) Looking at my future wife? (SAYS) Eating. CARLY: You know if you stayed longer-BACON!!! SAM: ' '(THINKING) Gets ‘em every time. ENTERS THE CLASSROOM FREDDIE: (TO CARLY) Megan. CARLY: (TO FREDDIE) Freddie. FREDDIE: (TO SAM) Monster. SAM: ' (TO FREDDIE)' Split personality. MISS BRIGGS: Sit down! Gibby’s in class today and- why does it smell like a gym in here? AND SAM EXCHANGE GUILTY LOOKS BRIGGS LOOKS OVER TO CARLY, EXPECTANTLY CARLY: At least it wasn’t in cl-? MISS BRIGGS: Enough! SAM DUMPS ALL OF HER FOOD INTO FREDDIE'S BACKPACK SAM: There! All finished! FREDDIE: You know what I’d call you if I could… MISS BRIGGS: Well today, as always, I’m going to torture you with bagpipes…! GIBBY: (VOICED BY ISAIAH MUSTAFA, THE OLD SPICE MAN) Hello, I’m here… MISS BRIGGS: Hush, minor character! GIBBY: (THINKING) My pink shirt is still on… MISS BRIGGS: Since I hate you all, I’m forcing you to listen to this horrible music until you cry. And if you make loud noises, I’ll fail you! Everybody okay with that? GIBBY: I’m wearing plaid-! MISS BRIGGS: Ew, no! Like I was saying, I met this man who ravished me with his kilt and dancing, and I HAD to show my future husband to you! So here he is! COMES IN CARLY: Yeah, you bring in your boyfriend and tell me I can’t have- PLAYS, CUTTING CARLY OFF, WHILE THE MAN DANCES SAM: Your skirt’s laaame! CLASS BOOS AND MISS BRIGGS CUTS OFF THE MUSIC MISS BRIGGS: Shut up! Who the (insert elephant noise here)said that? Raise your (insert retching noise here) hand! SAM: Gibby. BRIGGS LOOKS TO GIBBY GIBBY: No way, Sam started this! (TO SAM) You just wait until Season 3! MISS BRIGGS: Detention! And failure! SAM: Psh,your boyfriend’s gay anyways. LOOKS OVER TO SAM, IN A WARNING MANNER MISS BRIGGS: Don’t listen to her. Continue, please! CLASS BOOS AGAIN MISS BRIGGS: F’s then? CLASS ERUPTS IN FAKE CHEERS, WHILE THE MAN STARTS TO DANCE. IN FEAR AND AWE, SAM PULLS OUT TWO SLICES OF BACON AND PASSES ONE TO CARLY. CARLY: (THINKING) Wow Sam, your gaydar is really accurate! “FRIENDS” THEME SONG TO CARLY AND SAM WALKING THROUGH THE HALLWAY OF HER APARTMENT SAM: Thanks for coming home with me. I know you don’t approve of my mom, but I appreciate that you pretend. CARLY: It’s what I do. SAM: Wait, you didn’t smell the alcohol-? CARLY: I’m the nice Mary Sue! But yeah, she really reeked. You gotta talk to her about that. EXITS HIS APARTMENT CARLY: Hey, peeper, I just got here for your normal stalk. Bye now! FREDDIE: The doctor says my backpack didn’t make it! Sam, you go apologize to it, or I’ll tell everyone- SAM: I want in your pants. There. CARLY: Sam, Freddie want some awful tea while we make the plot? FREDDIE: Yes! SAM: Yes, honey. CARLY: So, I hate that you got detention again, Sam. FREDDIE: She deserved it! SAM: I wish you were bad, detention’s so boring without you… CARLY: (PASSING SAM A CUP) Drink. SAM: Will do. Look at how she gave me a lemon before you, Freddie! It’s love… FREDDIE: Shut up, blondie! SAM: Wanna say that again? FREDDIE: That’s why I drunk texted your mom! Last night! SAM: That was me. On your phone! FREDDIE: (QUICKLY) Say wha-? No wonder mom is worried… (THINKING) Must… wash… evidence… SAM: So, what’re we gonna dance in this episode? FREDDIE: I only dance for pay. TAKES FREDDIE’S STRAW AND STICKS IT IN HERE EAR WITHOUT HIM REALIZING THIS CARLY: Nah, I think we should just let people embarrass themselves and send it in to us! FREDDIE: Long as it’s not me! SAM: Duh yeah! FREDDIE: (LOOKING DOWN) My bendy straw…? SAM: Ah, got the pimple. (DROPS STRAW IN HIS GLASS) TO THE TRIO STARTING ICARLY FREDDIE: In five, four, three, two, uhh what comes after- CARLY: I’m Carly! SAM: I’m Sam. CARLY: We make out- SAM: With ham- CARLY: Sometimes boys- SAM: And sometimes Freddie! CARLY: What? Since when do we do this? SAM: You know… CARLY: Although Sam clearly is a dirty liar, I’ll just say- CARLY AND SAM: (SHOUTING) We kiss nubs!!! SAM: So, for the point of this show- CARLY: We wanna see your suckish moves! SAM: All of you losers who watch us-! CARLY: Should send in your most stupid- SAM: Most drunken- CARLY: Moves that look like dancing. THE DIALOGUE, THE GIRLS DO SEVERAL FORMS OF DANCE SAM: Now enjoy- CARLY: Us spazzing- SAM: Like retards- CARLY: For you! DANCES STOP CARLY: To win, you’ll have to bribe us pretty well! SAM: Yeah, watching you is bad enough! CARLY: So send in your money- SAM: Or I’ll- CARLY: That’s Sam- SAM: Tell your mom how bad she was! CARLY: Sam, did you really-? SAM: No! GIRLS JUMP OUT OF THE WAY OF THE CAMERA NEXT SCENE, WHERE SAM IS BREAKING A LOCKER WITH A HAMMER CARLY: (OBSERVING, THINKING) Aw, baby… SAM: Hey! CARLY: Hm? SAM: Stupid locker that will be introduced later in the series won’t open! Meh! HAMMERING LOCKER ENTERS FREDDIE: So, we got about 3,000 videos to watch! We’re gonna be rich! CARLY: Makes you ask what kindof people watch our show… SAM: Obviously four year olds, pedos- (Sam! Stop implying bad things about your fans!) RETURNS TO HAMMERING HER LOCKER, UNTIL GIBBY ENTERS GIBBY: So you decide to ruin my locker as well? For shame… SAM: Oh sor- GIBBY: Season 3. SAM: (OPENS AND CLOSES HER LOCKER) Meh, I’m leaving. K bye Gibby. ICARLY TRIO LEAVES, AS GIBBY’S LOCKER DOOR FALLS OFF SCENE WHERE ICARLY TRIO IS JUDGING VIDEOS FOR CONTEST CARLY: Blows. SAM: Lame. FREDDIE: Blows. SAM: Time for me to point out you agreed with her. FREDDIE: And me to imply you’re jealous. CARLY: If I weren’t so tired, I’d hit you both. SAM: Time for the mandatory Creddie. CARLY AND FREDDIE: AUUUUUGH! SAM: For the rest of the night. CARLY & FREDDIE: AUUUUUGH! ENTERS, NOTICING THEY’RE WATCHING VIDEOS SPENCER: Hey, what’re you guys- oh look, total spazzes! CARLY: Enjoy, we’ll be watching dancing videos all night for iCarly. SPENCER: Can… I show you one? Hm? CARLY, SAM, & FREDDIE: (ONE AFTER THE OTHER) Yeah, whatever. SPENCER: Shoosh yeah! I call it, “The Spazzinator”. ARMS AROUND CARLY: Meh, 5. SAM: 8. FREDDIE: 5. CARLY: K, bye Spencer. SPENCER: But I just need- my helmet! OFF TO GET HELMET Hm, where did I… ooo, a hamburger from last week! I knew you didn’t eat it, Sam! TO THE ICARLY TRIO, STILL WATCHING VIDEOS SAM: And another dose of Creddie. CARLY AND FREDDIE: Auuuugh! TO NEXT VIDEO, OF ATTRACTIVE GUY CARLY AND SAM: Holy chiz, he’s hot! FREDDIE: I don’t like this hot boy who is obviously hot. HOT BOY: (WHO IS VOICED BY EDWARD CULLEN) Hey, Carly and Sam, I’m gonna dance for you. Ya know, rate me. DANCES CARLY: Gosh, he’s hot! SAM: Smokin’ hot! FREDDIE: ''' My character is obviously jealous of you two always lookin’ at dudes. '''CARLY: Then it’s questionable why you always hang out with girls. CARLY: Vote? I say a zillion! SAM: A zillion and three! FREDDIE: I’m going to sulk and pout cutely over there. CARLY AND SAM: Out the way, we’re watchin’ here! TO SCENE WITH OBLIGATORY SHIP MOMENTS IS LEANING ON FREDDIE’S SHOULDER, UNTIL HE NUDGES HER OFF=SEDDIE ON, SAM IS LAYING ON CARLY’S LAP, TURNING HER HEAD TO HER SLOWLY=CAM CARLY LAYING ON SAM’S LAP=X2 CAM TO SCENE WHERE THEY FALL ASLEEP AND DREAM WAKING UP IN SCHOOL CARLY: I hate this next part! FREDDIE: I’m with ya. SAM: I’ll make sure peeps know it’s a dream sequence! FREDDIE: Yeah! CARLY: You do that, Sam. BELL RINGS AND STUDENTS CROWD THE TRIO, WHILE DANCING CARLY: See? Why the obligatory HSM reference? FREDDIE: I hated that movie! SAM: They’re all from Dingo! CLASSMATES GO ON WALKING AROUND LIKE NORMAL, AND SAM WAKES UP SAM: No… not the… Dingo… Channel. BACK ASLEEP SAM’S DREAM OF BEING IN DETENTION MISS BRIGGS: Quiet in here! I hate you all! So shut up, while I make your ears bleed! SAM: Time for my masochist line! MISS BRIGGS: And to assure I get full points on Bagpipe Goddess … IN AMP SAM: Oh hell no! I am not- CHANGES TO IRISH DANCER DANCES, AS IF FORCED SAM: Stop! They can’t know- I dance- well… Makes me look like Britney- and not a bad (insert speaker feedback noise here) What in Brigg’s name did I do to deserve this? Don’t show off- my flexibility- LEG UP, CARTWHEEL, AND A FULL SPLIT GUYS PICK HER UP, DRAGGING HER TO A CHAIR SAM: Hey paws off, unattractables! RUNS IN, ONLY WEARING HIS UNDERWEAR GIBBY: Am I late for my sexy cameo? SAM: Gibby, run of they’ll turn you and make you dance! SENSES DANGER, AND RUNS POV CHANGING TO FREDDIE, THINKING ABOUT CARLY AND SAM FREDDIE: (THINKING) Ah, Megan, I’ll prove my love for you- wait, why do I hear Sam’s voice to? Ah well… FREDDIE’S DREAM, IN SCHOOL, WHERE CARLY IS REJECTING THE HOT GUY HOT GUY: Blah. Blah blah blah blah, blah blah. CARLY: (BLOWS RASPBERRY IN HIS FACE) HOT GUY: Blah! Blah blah blah blah blah…? CARLY: Go away, I’m in love with Toplin kindof. HOT GUY: Blah blah, blah… ENTERS, CLEARING HIS THROAT FREDDIE: You heard the girl, she’s with me. HOT GUY: (ADVANCING TOWARDS HIM) Blah? Blah blah blah? FREDDIE: Haven’t you gotten this is the dancing episode? FREDDIE TURNING HOT, AND PLAY THE GENERIC VERSION OF “BEAT IT” WHILE FREDDIE DANCES/BEATS UP THE HOT GUY TO FREDDIE WINNING CARLY OVER IN HIS DREAM, AND SMILES SHIFT OF POV TO CARLY CARLY: Sam? Yep, I always call for Sam in my dreams- AROUND, AND FINDS HOT GUYS ALL OVER THE APARTMENT Sam? No, hot guy…. Sam? Another hot guy… So, I’m hoping you all just wanna dance, because I’m not that kinda girl… DANCES WITH THE HOT BOYS, UNTIL SHE HEARS SPENCER YELLING SPENCER: Carly! I heard you moaning, is everything ok? Do I have to fight someone? SAM: Uh… CARLY AND FREDDIE: Noo… SPENCER: But I heard someone talking about Megan, and Sam, and Gibby… SAM: Not in front of Carly… FREDDIE: Ugh, I’m going home before my mommy calls the cops on Megan. SAM: Carly, I’ll make it up to you if ya let me stay over… CARLY: Yeah, yeah. FREDDIE: Night, crazies. CARLY, SAM AND SPENCER: Night, psycho… CARLY: (TO SPENCER) Night helmet… SAM: It looks gayer than I’m implied to be… (YAWNS) SPENCER: (THINKING) Now time for me to really make the fan girls scream! SPENCER’S DREAM, WHICH IS THE SAME AS CARLY’S, WITH HIM IN A DRESS, DANCING WITH HOT GUYS SPENCER: WHAT-? NO!- I’m not!- Into dudes! SPENCER WAKING UP Woah, dude… So, episode 3 is up!!! Tell me whatcha think!!! MellamoSammo! 18:18, June 2, 2011 (UTC) Category:Blog posts